I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can feel your judgement through the phone
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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