So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
