Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
