literally had 100 drinks last night.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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