I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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