Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Randomize
