why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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