they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
