1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
