Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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