I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
