I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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