So drunk its hurt
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
