if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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