The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
