Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
