I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
