hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
