the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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