literally had 100 drinks last night.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
