Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
