best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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