I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
