I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize