I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she smelled like a LAN party
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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