??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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