They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
