she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
