i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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