didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
