i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
tell me about the eggs
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize