i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize