im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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