puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
