Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
