it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
