i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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