theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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