so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
