She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
