Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Are we still banned from the library?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize