don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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