..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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