Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize