my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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