I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
