I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
