I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He did a backflip because drugs
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