you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
