I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
