good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
