I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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