I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
