I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
