just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
