you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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