I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
