a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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