she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
