So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
