I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
