i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
