i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
