I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
