she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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