things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
