I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i think i have two assholes
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
