Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
