Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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