My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
