So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
